So what do the fundies think of liberals?

Asides from hating us, I mean. If you're like me and enjoy the comedy gold that resides in Conservapedia (did you know that Barack HUSSEIN Obama was both an Muslim and an atheist? You will after reading our fallacy-proof journalism!), you may have seen their checklist to spot a liberal.

A liberal is someone who rejects logical

7 words in, and already my irony meter's been blown.

and biblical standards,

Except for all those liberal Christians.

often for self-centered reasons. There are no coherent liberal standards; often a liberal is merely someone who craves attention, and who uses many words to say nothing.

OK, we've had a jolly laugh at conservapedia's perception of us. But now onto the checklist.

A liberal supports many of the following political positions and practices.

- Taxpayer-funded and/or legalized abortion

Yes, because there shouldn't be a correlation between a woman's wealth and her right to privacy.

- Censorship of teacher-lead prayer in classrooms and school sponsored events

Well, it is unconstitutional.

- Support for gun control

Quite right. So far, con'pedia is actually doing quite well in describing our positions.

- Support of obscenity and pornography as a First Amendment right^[1]

Again, liberals usually see sexual rights as an extension of the rights to free speech, press and privacy.

- Income redistribution, usually through progressive taxation

Yup, that's us! This is getting rather boring-where is the craziness usually associated with con'pedia?

- Government-rationed medical care, such as Universal Health Care
- Taxpayer-funded and government-controlled public education

I honestly can't see how anybody could be against those above ideas. A person's right to decent health care and a child's right to a adequate education should not be based on wealth. It's compassion 101. Also, see here for education specifically.

- The denial of inherent gender differences

Ladies and gentlemen, we have just entered Jebus County, Texas. Above, you will see the farmers constructing a strawman. Moving on, we will a wormhole that will take us to the 1950's.

- Insisting that men and women have the same access to jobs in the military

And that concludes our brief trip through Jebus County. Breathe deeply while you can; the bus will be U-turning soon and we will only briefly see some sanity.

- Legalized same-sex marriage
- Implementation of affirmative action
- Political correctness
-Support of labor unions

I hope you enjoyed the brief respite from fundieism. Returning through Jebus County, you will see below that the farmers have constructed their strawman, and are currently filling it with all excerpts of "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour" they've removed from their Bibles.

- Teaching acceptance of promiscuity through sexual "education" rather than teaching abstinence from sex.^[2]

If you check your field maps, you will see the truth. Moving on, we will see Southern lawyers trying to relegalise slavery and strip women of property.

- A "living Constitution" that is reinterpreted as liberals prefer, rather than how it was intended

Thus concludes our field trip through Jebus County. We will return soon, though, so tell your friends about it. Finally, we will take a trip through a moderately Blue Texan street.

- Government programs to rehabilitate criminals
- Abolition of the death penalty
- Environmentalism^[3]
- Disarmament treaties
- Globalism
- Opposition to an interventionalist [sic] American foreign policy ^[4]
- Opposition to full private property rights^[5]
- Reinstating the Fairness Doctrine
- In 2005, it was reported by CBS News that liberals were the most likely supporters of the theory of evolution. The theory of evolution is a key component of atheistic ideologies in the Western World.
- Opposition to domestic wire-tapping as authorized in the Patriot Act

...with one exception.

Calling anyone they agree with a "professor" regardless of whether he earned that distinction based on a real peer review of his work (see, e.g., Richard Dawkins and Barack Obama).

Weird-I've only ever heard Obama being referred to as "Senator," "Democrat Nominee," "Presumptive Nominee," "Presidential Candidate," "President-elect," and "President." Still, I shouldn't be surprised.

This is also my 20th post that relates to fundies. We seem to exist in a symbiotic relationship: they need us (by 'us' I mean 'liberals') to generate anti-family, pro-sodomy, feminazi outrage that will fill their coffers, and I need them because otherwise my blog would feature little else but digital tumbleweeds. Sick, really.

HOMICIDAL PSYCHO JUNGLE CAT

(hat tip to comic genius Bill Watterson for the title)

Some blogs have pictures of house kittehs...but only here do we see tigers! Below, from left to right, are the snowy tiger, the white, the golden tabby, and a normal tiger. Personally, the swimming and snow-fighting ones are my favourites.

Crazy righty gets it right for a change

From Leon 'What is it with Lefties and their mummies?' Bertrand's ironically named blog of reason.

Political correctness in the UK has reached stifling and epidemic proportions:

BRITAIN appears to be evolving into the first modern soft totalitarian state. As a sometime teacher of political science and international law, I do not use the term totalitarian loosely.

There are no concentration camps or gulags but there are thought police with unprecedented powers to dictate ways of thinking and sniff out heresy, and there can be harsh punishments for dissent.

Nikolai Bukharin claimed one of the Bolshevik Revolution's principal tasks was "to alter people's actual psychology". Britain is not Bolshevik, but a campaign to alter people's psychology and create a new Homo britannicus is under way without even a fig leaf of disguise.

The Government is pushing ahead with legislation that will criminalise politically incorrect jokes, with a maximum punishment of up to seven years' prison. The House of Lords tried to insert a free-speech amendment, but Justice Secretary Jack Straw knocked it out.

You know what? That freaks the bejeezus out of me. The idea that people might be so much as fined for telling a tastless joke is genuinely authoritarian. That being said, I have know idea just how accurate the Australian is in reporting this. However, if UK Labor plans on implementing anything like what the Oz is describing, then it may be only a matter of time before the ALP tries it as well.* Heck, after the internet filter, they'll try anything.

This of course means that civil liberties are under attack from both the hard Left and hard Right. The LPA introduced those anti-terrorism laws which have given far greater powers to police and authorities (stripping suspected criminals of their rights in the process), and now free speech is being constrained by those British softcocks. Still, when it comes to the Brits, I shouldn't be too surprised.

Hence, I would like to share some of my favourite politically incorrect jokes, at least before that's censored as well. Firstly, women.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you?
Made the chain too long.

Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.

Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.

Wanna hear a funny joke?
Women's rights.

What if God's a woman?
Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why.Q: How can you tell a Jewish house?

Next up, Jews.

Q: What's a way you can tell a Jewish house?
A: Toilet paper on the clothesline.

Q: What's another way you can you tell a Jewish house?
A: Padlocks on the rubbish bins.

Q: Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years?
A: Because someone dropped a twenty-cent piece.

Q: What's a Jewish dilemma?
A: Free ham.

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister were having a discussion as to how they divided up the collection plate.
The minister explained that he drew a circle on the ground, tossed the collection in the air, and that all the money that landed in the circle was for God (to use for the parish) and all that landed outside was for himself (as living expenses).
The priest said that his system was similar: He just drew a straight line, tossed the money up, and that what landed on one side was for God and the church, and that what landed on the other side was for himself.
The rabbi admitted that his system worked along somewhat the same line: "I just toss the plate up in the air," he explained, "and anything God can catch he can have, while I simply take what's left."

This Black guy was walking down 125th Street, kicking rubbish out of his way, when he spotted something that gleamed strangely. It turned out to be an oddly shaped brass bottle. When he rubbed it, a Jewish genie appeared.
"I'll give you two wishes" intoned the genie (not the usual three wishes; after all, it is a Jewish genie).
"Far out" says the Black guy, "First, I'm sick of being Black - I wanna be White, uptight and out-of-sight. Second, seein' how I love having women hanging around me all the time - I wanna to be surrounded by sweet, warm pussy".
So the genie turned him into a tampon.
The moral of the story? You don't get anything from a Jew without strings being attached.

Israel Moses, living in New York, married a Black woman. One day their boy came home from school very disturbed. "What's the matter, son?", asked Israel. "Am I a Black or a Jew?" "What's the problem?", asked his father, "You can be both". "No," said his son, "you see, a boy at school has got a radio he's selling for five dollars, and I don't know whether to bargain with him or to mug him!"

And with that, we shift to African-American jokes.

Q: Why do Blacks always have sex on the brain?
A: Because they've got pubic hair on their heads.

Q: How do you stop little Black kids from jumping up and down on your bed?
A: Put "Velcro" on your ceiling.

Q: Why are the palms of Black people's hands white?
A: Because they were all leaned up against cop cars when God spray-painted.

Q: Why do Blacks wear platform shoes?
A: To stop their knuckles from dragging on the ground.

Q: Why don't you run over a Black guys bike?
A: Because it might be yours!

Q: What did God say when another Black baby was born?
A: OPPS! Burnt another one.

Q: What does NBA mean ?
A: Nothing but Africans.

Q: What do you call a 100 year old black man in a barn ?
A: Antique farming equipment.

A little, short man about 5 foot 5inches walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. The bar tender looks and him and says, "Hey man, you better get out of here with that shirt on." The man replies "Why?" The bar tender says well first off it says "I HATE NIGGERS". And secondly it's about 10 minutes from now a lot of them come in here from work. The man insists he will be fine. He proceeds to finish his beer, and orders another one. Well right as he is doing so, three blacks walk in and sit down next to him. They order some drinks, and then notice the man's shirt. The first black guy turns to the white man and says what does your shirt say?" The white man turns to the bar tender and says, "The first thing I hate about black guys is they can't read." The second black guy turns to him and says, "What did you say"? The white man again turns to the bar tender and says, "the second thing I hate about black guys is that they can't hear." The third black guy (a huge black guy, 6ft 9in, arms the size of dumbbells, really mean looking) turns to the white man and says, "Would you like to take this outside?" The white man agrees to take it outside. 10 minutes later he returns and sits back down, orders another beer, and says to the bar tender " The third thing I hate about black guys is that they always bring a knife to a gun fight"

Now that IS funny, you gotta admit.

*And I have a nasty suspicion that the Greens may not be entirely opposed to such laws.

Who's in charge of Australia? Not Labor, that's for sure.

Heard the news, boys and girls?

SENIOR Israeli diplomat Dan Gillerman has urged Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd not to send a delegation to a United Nations forum on racism, saying it will be used as a platform to bash Israel.

And Australia, being the sovereign multi-nation that would never kow-tow to the capricious whims of another country on matters which it has no authority to call the shots...has mindlessly obeyed Israel and has boycotted the summit. Even worse, America has shunned it too. Nice 'change' you got there, Obama.

Having read some of the stuff that went on 8 years ago, I do see some degree of antisemitism in the original forum in regards to the focus on the Middle East, whilst neglecting the rest of the world (Israel isn't the only country with race problems. Especially in '01).

However, that is a damn poor excuse for not attending this summit. What does Australia expect to gain from not attending? If there is no racism or antisemitism (Israeli paranoia notwithstanding), we will look like we have our collective heads up Israel's collective arses (we do anyway, but this would just highlight it further). And if there is genuine antisemitism at the conference, would we be more effective in trying to tone it down or walk out rather then not being there at all?

Bloody hell-I though one of the reasons why we voted Johnny out was because we were tired of other countries dictating what we did.

And on a final note-Age?

Get your friggin' act together.

T to the A to the P: the sequal.

OR: Time for another 40ish year old who sends our hearts a flutterin'. Previously, there was Daniel 'Delicious' Craig. This time, it's Johnny 'Jack' Depp.



The final picture, I have it in poster form. I don't know how or why I'm straight. I really don't.

Random philosophical question of the day

If you are pure good, does that mean

a) you feel no temptation to do any act of evil-no matter how minor?

or

b) you feel all human temptation, but you possess an indomitable will power to resist such temptations?


Thinking about it, this could be applied to evil as well. If you are pure evil, then does that mean:

a) you recognise the pain you are causing to others, but simply don't care?

or

b) you fundamentally cannot comprehend how you are hurting others?

I honestly don't know.

From the world of Andrew "I'm a journalist! No, really, I am! Why are you all laughing?" Bolt:

You don't like the way Israel has historically treated the Palistinians?

Captain Lefty, Sarah, Human Rights Watch, Amnesty International- you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. All Israel has done is exercise his* democratic right to kill those random brown people who may have disliked Israel (if they didn't then, they certainly will now)-those same democratic rights the Coalition of the Willing have been wielding for the past 6+ years.

You'd all better unanimously apologise for insulting the 2nd Greatest Country To Bless This World (TM), or be banished from the internets forever.

*In accordance to Israeli policies, all terms of remotely feminine nature (her, she, etc) have been replaced with male counterparts for the foreseeable future.

(Note on the label: yes, I know that 'Arabia' covers only a portion of the Middle East, which I'm pretty sure doesn't cover Israel. But let's face it; Arabia is a far better name. So I'm sticking with it, geography be damned)