Alone among major Western nations, the United States has refused to sign a declaration presented Thursday at the United Nations calling for worldwide decriminalization of homosexuality.OK, so everything below the first three paragraphs is mine. The first part is unchanged; that Bush has nothing against the state-sanctioned execution of gays. Hmmm...where have I heard that before?
In all, 66 of the U.N.'s 192 member countries signed the nonbinding declaration — which backers called a historic step to push the General Assembly to deal more forthrightly with any-gay discrimination. More than 70 U.N. members outlaw homosexuality, and in several of them homosexual acts can be punished by execution.
Co-sponsored by France and the Netherlands, the declaration was signed by all 27 European Union members, as well as Japan, Australia, Mexico and three dozen other countries. There was broad opposition from Muslim nations, and the United States refused to sign, indicating that some parts of the declaration raised legal questions that needed further review.
However, President Bush justified the decision, stating that the US was still the strongest supporter of human rights. "The fact that the the US is agreeing the the nations that I once called the 'axis of evil' several years ago is irrelevant. What matters is that America-which I have now legally renamed Liberty Land-doesn't actively execute gays. Iran and all other Islamist states do. That puts their human rights record slightly below ours-Abu Ghraib and Gitmo notwithstanding-and gives Liberty Land and all other freedom loving nations the duty to criticise these axisis [sic] of evil while not recognising one iota of hypocrisy. Shit, I've spent my whole Presidency wiretapping without warrents, lying through my teeth to launch my psycho-Christian crusade against perceived enemies who had nothing to do with 9/11, trampling over the UN's declaration of human rights whilst shoe-horning 'freedom' as many times as possible into my speeches-"
At that point, Mr. Bush had turned blue from oxygen deprivation and collapsed. After recovering, Mr. Bush stated "Endorsing the worst incarnation of homophobia is neither a surprise nor a low point for this Administeration."
The Pope, who has also opposed the declaration, praised America for its stance. "Alone stands America, which is now sole Western nation that has refused to accept filth and decadency as morality. However, we believe that this will change soon, as I, under God's Will, assume Supreme Leadership from all current leaders, and unite the individual countries of the world in a glorious new Empire!" At that point, Force lightning ignited from the Pope's fingertips and and he killed the surrounding reporters, before declaring himself Emperor.
Hank and the Phoenix cross-post this here and here.
2 comments:
The support from The Netherlands (and France) does prompt a slight gesture of patriotism for me...though it would be less ironic if I weren't an American citizen.
But yeah...typical Bush. After almost eight years of presidency, the last vestiges of a brain must have dried up along with any sympathy he has for queers.
Okay, I thought George Bush was actually saying those things in the third paragraph. To be honest, I don't think there's much effort in writing random crap and putting George Bush's name under it.
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